If you answered a resounding yes to all of the above questions, you can rest assured that you are a good parent and deserve a pat on the back. But technically, it fits the description of what many are blissfully unaware of—a style known as “overparenting.” How do you know if it’s guilty?
When I had the opportunity to interview Andre Agassi, I was reminded of his quote. “The mark of good parenting is raising children independently and not needing us every step of the way in the future,” he said. A very meaningful line that got me thinking. Are we guilty of raising children in a bubble world?
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Parenting is about providing a safe cocoon for them, encouraging them and guiding them in the right direction. But over the years, there is a desire among parents to “do what’s best for their children” and in the process we, both as children and as parents, have come to fear and avoid failure.
Why does over-parenting do more harm than good?
I know what you are wondering. “Can taking care of our children be harmful?” you might think. Actually, it’s true.
Over-parenting, often known as helicopter parenting, can hinder a child’s confidence and ability to make their own decisions as they grow up. They always look back to you for help and acceptance, which may not be possible anywhere else in life. That’s not all. Experts say that children who grow up in an extreme parenting style also have a less realistic view of the world around them. Their problem-solving and decision-making abilities suffer and they are afraid to try new things for fear of failure, which alienates them from their peers. Is this the ideal future we want to build for our Gen Alpha children, the Millennial generation, who are stronger and more confident than us?
How to Stop Over-Parenting
Be open to mistakes and consequences:
Parents need more convincing than children! Let them fail. Nothing teaches better than mistakes themselves. Bruised knees are signs of a child who has played well and learned more in the process. Once they realize that they are responsible for their results, their actions take a different and more responsible turn.
Do not over-disinfect children:
Like physical immunity, mental immunity is built gradually and is something we have to work on as parents. It is impossible and not recommended to disinfect every surface or opportunity for our children. Be there to catch them if they fall and guide them if they feel lost, but don’t be there to stop them from falling. Guide them and involve them in small tasks at home, it is good for children to sweat a little at home. They will learn very valuable life skills this way.
Control the impulse to blame and teach children to take responsibility for their actions:
Here’s the general picture. When a child slips and falls, you’ll find an overprotective parent or grandparent will hit the ground hard to trip the child and trip the child. No matter how “caring” it may seem, it teaches children from an early age not to take responsibility for their own actions and to blame others. Avoid such experiences from the beginning and teach your children to be more careful and not fall, rather than blaming the floor (or someone else).
Teach your kids that it’s okay to be vulnerable:
Yes, we want children to see that we are perfect in everything we do. But when they see it continuously, they don’t know what the other side of perfection looks like. As adults, when we make small mistakes or find something to be a weakness, learn to admit it in front of your children and tell them why you did it. This should be done with appreciation, of course, but when children see that you are more than a perfect image in their mind, they learn by watching you more than anything else. Create and communicate with your children in a more appropriate way.
Don’t always be the problem solver:
In most homes, mothers play the role of 24*7 problem solvers. No socks? Mother knows where it is. Did you miss your lunch box at home? Mom rushes to school to hand it over to you. This should change especially when the children grow up. I love to chip in when my girls need help with homework or assignments, but I let them think for a while before coming to me for an answer. The few critical minutes they spend trying to fight their own fires will go a long way in preparing them for the future. Let them face the consequences. Be there for them, but not for every little thing or mistake they make. This way they will never learn to ascend again.
Go ahead and change the way you parent to make sure you’re doing what’s best for your kids, not only today, but in the long run! Happy parenting!
Source: IANS
